I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
