I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
