I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
