somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
