someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
