I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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