I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
