He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
