Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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