508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
