I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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