We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
