Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My life is pants optional.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
