I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
