Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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