I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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