I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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