Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
