When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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