I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
