Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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