I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
