I can text with my tongue
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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