when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
