i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
