there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
