either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
