Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
