there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
