I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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