i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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