I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
