living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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