So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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