i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
