There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
