Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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