We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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