I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
