Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
