you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
