Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
