the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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