i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
