so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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