Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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