pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Randomize
