If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So many bounce houses so little time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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