dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
