She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
