Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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