Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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