ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
