Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
