Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
