i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
